Clue-nemic

Is there some handy or clever word to refer to scientific ignorance?

There's been a bit of chatter on the PennyGems comment area about whether or not pennies need to be cleaned before stickering. (Answer: no.) In addressing this, I went back to a couple of sites that talk about cleaning pennies.

1) They almost universally are NOT talking about cleaning pennies, but polishing them. Practically every method I found is some variation of "drop in acid" (vinegar, ketchup, Arby's Sauce, taco sauce, cola, oxalic acid, et cetera) and/or "rub with abrasive." (baking soda, toothpase, Brasso(tm), salt, et cetera)

But I come today not to rant about people who don't understand the underlying science of folklore-based metal polishing. No, it's the oft-repeated comment usually found attached to the "soak coins in cola" technique. "If it does that to a penny, imagine what it does to your stomach."

{taps head gently against wall while sighing loudly}

Now, as it happens, Coca-cola(tm) is one of the most acidic soft drinks on the shelf, with a pH of around 2.5, which is still less acidic than the average stomach. Hydrochloric acid, people! Your stomach is full of hydrochloric acid!

I mean, WT*? That was one of the coolest things I could imagine when I first learned that. Especially for a kid growing up in a non-nuanced, sound-bite world, details like the actual pH level, the buffering, the dilution; these aren't important. What's important is that your stomach is full of acid! Famous acid! Mad-scientist-horror-movie-grade acid! Coke gets its acidity from some B-list junk called phosphoric acid. Sneer. Everybody knows if you need to dissolve a body or eat a hole through a safe door or cause somebody to shriek in unendurable agony, you go with sulfuric acid or hydrochloric acid. Duh. I remember wondering how come when somebody barfed, their vomit didn't eat a hole through the floor.

The equally fascinating question of "how can my stomach do that without being destroyed?" had a dismayingly un-cool answer, though. Mucus. Mucus? Eeewwww! I don't care if it's providing an impenetrable barrier against the flesh-destroying hydrochloric acid in my stomach. Even that isn't enough to make mucus cool.

I suspect, when somebody parrots back a stupid comment like "if it does that to a penny, what does it do to your stomach," it's not because they are unaware that they've got acid in their stomach. All the companies that make acid reflux medicines work hard to teach people that. It's probably because they don't understand A.1. Steak Sauce makes a penny shiny because it has vinegar in it, instead of magic. And I promise, if anybody ever says that line to my face, to politely explain that it probably won't do anything to somebody's stomach other than dilute it a bit, rather than laugh out loud.

I can't promise to not roll my eyes, though. I'm only human.